"Mental illness is not a joke. It can ruin your whole life if you choose to ignore it." My Name Is Riva And I'm Still Battling Depression.

"Mental illness is not a joke. It can ruin your whole life if you choose to ignore it." My Name Is Riva And I'm Still Battling Depression. 

It is common for people to sometimes feel depress, symptoms usually are severe enough to cause noticeable problems. It should never be taken lightly but for older people they tend to ignore the signs and doesn't seek help. 

If you feel depressed you should see a doctor for treatment especially if you may think you may hurt yourself or thinking of attempting suicide.

Read Riva's story how she's dealing with depression.

Hi my name is Riva, 18, a junior in University of the Philippines-Los Baños, and this is my story about how I'm undergoing major depression, and continuously fighting it.

(WARNING: sobrang lala; very long story)

In my two years stay in Los Baños, a lot has happened in my life: my mom went abroad, my sister was busy because she's graduating (on time), my 18th birthday that I planned mostly by myself, financial probs, and so much more. Living alone at the age of 16 was hard. I managed, but I was lonely. Yes, I do have friends, a new family, but I was lonely. My academics are average, not a problem for me, but I was definitely pressured.

And then I met someone. And everything changed, and so that's what I first thought.

I was in love. Eventually, I ended up being emotionally, mentally, and physically hurt. But I didn't care because I love. I forgave him. I endured everything, every problem that came during our relationship- I kept it all to me. They kept piling up, and then, he broke up with me- the last straw- I finally broke down. This triggered everything. I was not myself after the night we broke up. I was sad; I felt I was not good enough. I asked myself, 

"Damn who the fuck am I? What the fuck am I?" I lost myself.

And you know what I did? I slit my wrist, and overdosed on paracetamol. I realized what I did, and immediately called for help. I was rushed to the hospital, got stitches on my wrist, and anti-paracetamol drugs. One more slash on my wrist, and it would be fatal. The doctor called my family, and came rushing to UPLB to get me even if it was after midnight. I saw a psychiatrist, the next day and gave me drugs (anti-depressant, tranquilizer, laxative etc.). 

I was tested to know if my liver and blood is okay, and it turned out to be normal. I guess I was lucky to be alive, but I really did not want to die. I just wanted to hurt myself to keep my mind off from the emotional pain I was feeling, to escape from reality even for just a second. I wanted to forget everything and everyone who's causing me pain. I know what I did was wrong, but I also know that some people have done me wrong. I am not sorry for what I did. 

I do not regret loving people more than I love myself. I was selfless. And I guess that's where I went wrong: thinking that having someone to love me will satiate me. I did not love myself enough.

I believe that not everything we want will happen according to how we want it to happen, and that we should accept it because that's life. To the person who hurt me in ways people can never imagine, (my dad didn't even lift a finger on me, but you did, wow) thank you because you left me traumatized with the things you did to me, and most of all you made me stronger. I know you have your own issues to deal with, and I know what you've been through and going through, I was there for you all throughout. I know you have your reasons, but I have had enough.

I am still learning; I still can't walk on my own two feet, but I do have support. A lot of it.

I would love to thank my mom for being there for me all throughout; my HS bestfriends for helping me out and seeing me every week; my psychiatrists Dra. Ronquillo and Dra. Palis; my titas and titos, especially mommy Elma; my professors: ma'am Dia, sir Glenn, ma'am Aiza, and the rest of the Department of Agribusiness and Entrepreneurship and also the University for supporting me; my organization, UP ABS(Bisok), for giving me all the love while I am in UPLB; and to all the friends who listened and supported me in every way possible, thank you. Lastly, to the Lord God for giving me this life. I could not ask for more.

I am not shy nor afraid to tell you my story. What's done is done. Some people will judge me, but who cares? Stop judging. Stop hating. You don't know what it's like. This is who I am now. I'm just one of the many people out there who is suffering the same as I am.

Mental illness is not a joke. It can ruin your whole life if you choose to ignore it. Ourselves are our strongest weakness. To those who are currently experiencing this, don't be afraid to come out. There will be people willing to help. Always.

Cheers! To people like us, battling this shit. To a new life.

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